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| ahhhhh.......reading all these things make me want to like someone. oh gosh why is it so tempting! okay maybe i don't care that mucha bout likign someone but i really want to have at least some guy friends,`cause i mean soem guys would understand somethings of me more than girls do.but i don't know, most of the guys at windermere, to me, only like pretty girls and popular girls. i dunno, but i shouldn't be judging them `cause i dont know them well. ahh.. this has been so weird. since highschool, i lost most of my friends. lost their trust, lost fun, and some, totally lost in friendship. i dont talk to any of the guys i use to know. kind of makes me sad. then theres that jessica thing, where i was like a huge backstabber, and no one trusts me any more. gahah, what i should've seen in the first place was that, jessica belongs there, she never belonged with people like me. i guess, i was blind before i was told that jessica really belonged there in the first place. the same thing with some guys, tommy, gerry, and christian, they belong where they are. in grenfell, they belonged, but weren't themselves. i mean i can see jessica, and julia wearing tna, tight or baggy. why? because they belong there. or want to belong there. and i should respect that because it;s not like it's effecting me in anyway. already lost most of all the positivity i believed in people, most people. | | |
| okay not to like tell people to invite me and stuff. but i mean other people, they go spend the day, and they don't effing give me a call, or tell me that if i want to come or not. then they tell me all about it like it's some great fantastic thing they did. I don't know about them, but i'm right here, you think i like being lefto ut? no. i don't okay? i mean soem people say to me, oh in the summer we;ll spend blah blah blah together, and buy these stuff together, well you know what? that's bull. you won't spend time with me because you got your new friends, and when i'm pissed off you ask what,s wrong but really, you? caring? no, infact some of you dont even ask what's wrong. why because you're all heartless. just like i'm becoming. if you can't beat them, join them.
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| you can say so many times to yourself, that you dont like him, but deep down, you do. | | |
| Gosh, my dad never understands me. Geesh doesn't he know that this is probably like the lowest part in my whole life so far? And still give me a little space here okay? I don't even want to be vietnamese. In fact sometimes I wish I didn't have a race. I mean I've grown into a bitch, with a habit of swearing. The guy that I said to myself that I'd "LOVE" him forever, the forever ended up to 258 days. You know what. My life sucks. I know I should be lucky and stuff to be in Canada, and be so fortunate as a child, but you know what? Being fortunate has it's bad sides too.
Friends and Guys: I don't need a guy in my life, but I just need someone to be there for me sometimes. But having a guy around isn't so bad, it's different than having a girl around, and sometimes it feels like they care more. And I don't know I guess I try so hard to get rid of him in my head, but you know what, everytime I hear his name, I just can't forget, I just can't forget him, he was the one that I liked so much, and I know why I liked him now, because he tried, because he wanted to do things WITH me that he could've done himself. But you know what? Yeah he wasn't even my boyfriend, he was just my friend, with benefits. And you know how it ended? I had a very greedy friend, she made herself better with the price of my happiness. I mean how can I have a friend like that? And still I forgive her. Yeah, that's right, I FORGIVE her, because I can tolerate that. But you know what, it may seem fake but he really meant alot to me, even though I took advantage of him. Right now, if I could tell him that I love him, I would, and to tell him that I will never stop in person, I will. But he doesn't even care to this point. He doesn't care about me. I know sometimes I'm better without him, but you know what it's so hard to forget about him. I tried replacing him, surprisingly, it sort of worked, but that guy will never like a girl like me.
Anotehr thing about friends is, you know what. I really miss this girl. We talked about everything, our deepest secrets who we liked, how we felt towards other guys, how we could go out buy dresses with eachother, and how many times we could laugh and laugh. That's what I miss so much. But you know what? Sometimes it still makes me cry. I mean last year I thought she was going to leave me, but right now she actually left me. We don't talk much anymore, and I know she has all these feelings inside of her, and I'm not there to see it on her face when she feels it inside. I know her, and she knows me. We will always know how we feel towards things. I don't even have to tell her. But you know, I barely see her. I miss her. But sometimes, I am totally angry at her, why? Because once aagain she is selfish, hasn't she ever thought of all those times, she invited me to her birthday party, and she invited people who I'm not close or get along with, and you know what? I can do so many other things with my time, but I came because I knew that she was my friend, and if she wanted me to be at her birthday party, I'll always be there. Always. If she came to me, I'd drop everything, to help her. That's how she is important to me.
Though I say all this stuff, my other friends, are great too. New ones and old. They aren't there for me but they make me smile, when I'm with them I forget all my troubles, and to me those are sort of qualities that you need. | | |
| Hahah omg, today talking to Jennifer makes me want to like someone so much. It gives you so much purpose it makes you so happy like sometimes you just feel like you're swifting in the air.
Well I do sort of like someone, not really, but if he likes me I'd totally like him
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